From the creator of Family Guy and director of Ted comes a hilarious first novel that reinvents the Western. Mild-mannered sheep farmer Albert Stark is fed up with the harsh life of the American frontier, where it seems everything and anything can kill you: Duels at high noon. Barroom brawls. Poisonous snakes. Cholera-infected drinking water. Tumbleweed abrasion, Something called toe-foot. Even a trip to the outhouse. Yes, there are a million ways to die in the wild, wild West, and Albert plans to avoid them all. Some people think that makes him a coward. Albert calls it common sense. But when his girlfriend dumps him for the most insufferable guy in town, Albert decides to fight back even though he cant shoot, ride, or throw a punch. Fortunately, he teams up with a beautiful gunslinger whos tough enough for the both of them. Unfortunately, shes married to the biggest, meanest, most jealous badass on the frontier. Turns out Albert has just discovered a million and one ways to die in the West.